Well, well, hello there!!

It has been almost TWO MONTHS to the day since I've updated my blog!

Updating has been on my mind but I've been too lazy to log on and write about anything.  Many things have changed for the better, but I will be updating about that in the next few weeks.

I can't write anymore unless I spill the beans, but I promise the next update will be a good one.  Just, please hang in there!!

xoxo

Big Fat Negative!

I thought about adding motherf*cking in there for good measure but I'm actually really ok. I'm actually creeped out at myself about how calm I've been about getting a negative beta.  I thought there would be screaming, tears, cursing but there were no tears and no anger, just quiet determination about what I can do for the next cycle.  Besides, I think the huge, tantrum-filled fight I had with J which was indirectly related to my IF took care of all the anger I had.

On other news, I've said this before, but I have to lose some serious weight...like, really.  Yes, I already knew that but I get stuck on the thought and never turn it into action.  I've decided to go back to tracking my calories on My Fitness Pal since it really did help and I have to find a way to exercise. Even if I'm just walking the dog, I need to get active.  I'm wanting to do like an all fruit and veggie-type cleanse but I'm not sure how to go about it.  I really wouldn't have a problem giving up red meat and chicken if I could keep my seafood and I like most veggies and fruits.  I can actually give up chicken altogether, but I would have a hard time giving up red meat forever since I like steak so much.  I've been playing around with this idea for a while so let's see how I can make it happen.

I guess that's it for today.  I really don't have much to say but once AF shows we'll start up another inject cycle and hopefully we'll have better luck.

Triggered!!

Wheewwww!  I was FINALLY able to do my hCg trigger today.  It feels like I was on Follistim foooorrreeevvveeerrrr (lol), but in reality, I think I got my hopes way up high in light of my birthday and Mother's Day.  Why haven't I learned that in IF there are really no plans that can be set in stone?!

After the RE raised my Follistim to 125 IU, we were making good progress in the follow-up appointments and I had a feeling today would be the trigger date.  Today when the u/s tech measured me, I was able to see this HUGE follie and I knew that at least I had one good one.  When the nurse called back with the instructions, she said that I had two good follies, and one that was slightly smaller.  The leading follie was 21.5, second was 19.8, and the last one was at 15.  Not too bad!  So now the waiting begins.  We're timing sex for tonight and Friday.  They would've wanted us to sex it up tomorrow but J's at the firehouse and that's kind of a no-no!  My progesterone draw is scheduled for May 18, and the beta draw is May 25.  Yikes!  My hopes are way high even though I'm trying to smack them down and keep myself sane and realistic.

**Fingers crossed!!**

Last post of my 20's...AAAHHHH!!!

OMG, it's almost here!  I'm about to walk into a new decade in about an hour...

I had the birthday blues yesterday, but today I'm feeling very excited.  I'm definitely looking forward to my 30's.  I think my 20's treated me pretty well, even though the last year or so gave the me shaft.  It's ok, I'm taking it as fuel to change what I need to and make my 30's my most amazing and wonderful decade to date.  I'm excited to strengthen the relationships I've made, learn and try new things, and really be the best T I can be. 

So to my 30's, WELCOME...Let's have a fabulous time!

Cheers!

Feeling Overwhelmed

I should definitely be getting ready for class, but I need to clear my head before I go.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now.  It's not all bad, but even the "good" is stressing me a little bit.  I'm doing my injects and I have a follow-up appointment for monitoring tomorrow.  I'm excited, but I feel like I'm too excited and hopeful.  It terrifies me because if this doesn't work, I know the let down (and meltdown) will be epic. There are too many things that have happened that tell me, "It's a sign!!" and my poor little head and heart are taking them in.  For example, my birthday is Saturday...I'm turning 30.  Maybe just maybe, I'll be told to trigger this weekend and that would mean that I can conceive on my b-day.  How cool is that?  Second, J told me that if I don't find a job and he can keep his side job, I don't have to work any more...sign #2, since I want to be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom).  Third, this is just falling into place so perfectly, it's almost too perfect.  See?!  With all of these things, my heart and head have decided to buy into the hype.  Then, I feel bad for being negative and feel like I just sabotaged myself out of a BFP. 

The bad, like it's been since October is not having a job which means having less money.  While J has been awesome at even suggesting that I can stay home, truth is, I would like to find a job at least until I'm ready to go on maternity leave.  That would give us the time and the income to close all of our debt except for my car, house, and utilities.  That puts a lot of money back in our pocket and then I'd really feel comfortable being a SAHM. 

I really need things to fall into place and soon.  In a perfect world, I'd get KU this weekend, find a permanent teaching position by the end of May, enjoy my summer with J and get the house baby ready, kill our debt, and deliver a perfect, healthy baby by the end of January 2012.  That's not asking for too much, is it?!  We'll see how it all plays out...

:-)

Monitoring Appointment 1

I'm keeping this one simple because I feel like I'm dying. I'm am so nauseous and it is a horrible feeling; although, I'm trying to be positive and taking it as practice for my soon-to-come BFP! :-P

Anyway, there are two follies that are looking good! The leafing follicle is in my right ovary and it is measuring at 11mm. The second one is on the left, and is measuring 9mm. I'm doing Follistim again tonight (Monday) and tomorrow. I will go back Wednesday for another monitoring appointment and wait for the next step.

***I'm apologizing in advance in case this entry has poor formatting. I'm blogging from my iPhone :-0)***

First Follistim Dose!

Yikes!  I was SO nervous to do this today.  Looking back, it's really simple and fairly painless but I was afraid I was going to screw something up.  I brought all of my "materials" to the office so I could follow step by step with the instructional video. 

I'm feeling a little giddy about doing the injection today.  I guess after not having a real chance at getting pregnant for over a year, this gives me some hope.  So now, I have another injection tomorrow and a RE appointment Monday morning for monitoring, and then he'll let me know when I should do my hCG trigger.  I'm just hoping that J's home the day of the trigger because I'm a little bit nervous about doing it myself.  My girl B said she'd do it for me since she has somewhat of a nursing background (pet nurse, lol) so that's an option.

::fingers crossed::