Wasting Time...

So, I had my classroom observation last week and my post-ob conference was today.  As I imagined, it was a total waste of time.  I must say that my kids are extremely well-bahaved, so whever I get observed, that helps a lot.  I can pretty much predict their behavior, who's going to participate, and who's going to zone out, so I already know how to gear that particular moment of teaching.  This time was no different.  When I met with her for my post-ob, something just felt off though.  I don't know if I'm just different because I know I'm done, but it felt that she was wanting to make plans for things that won't happen.  I tried to humor her, but honestly, I'm not sure what she expected from me.  Anyway, I'm happy to report that I have about another week and a half of work until I'm done.  I plan on sending out a letter to my classroom parents this Friday letting them know that I will not be returning after Christmas break.  I don't anticipate that I'll have too much drana, and I hope I'm right.

Speaking about wastes of times, there's something that's been on my mind about a friend, but I'm not sure if I'm being judgemental.  I have a friend that's been TTC for about 4-5 years already.  At first I didn't know they were having trouble, but after being on TB, 4-5 can definitely be classifie as TTTC.  Since I met her through another friend and I was still a little guarded about our own TTTC, I wasn't as open as I could've been to her.  Anyway, as time went on, she and I started talking on our own and really opened up to each other about our struggles.  After talking to her several times, I realized just how fortunate J and I are to have such great IF coverage under his insurance.  My friend has ZERO coverage, meaning that all of their appointments, treatments, procedures, etc. are 100% out-of-pocket (OOP).  Honestly, I felt bad and I felt extremely helpless.  I almost wish that just like I donated my meds to someone, I could donate some of my IF coverage to her.  It makes me so sad that couple struggling to build their families are held back by their finances, when there are so many parasites that won't stop reproducing and pawning off their financial responsibilities on the system.

I would never think that trying to have a baby is a waste of time but in her situation, I wonder if the way she's going about it is counterproductive.  What do I mean?  Well, my friend and her husband decided to move forward with IUI just like we did.  The difference is that unlike J and I, they are not having ANY monitoring appointments.  They did not have any u/s, bloodwork, or anything other than Clomid and the actual IUI.  This scares me...a lot.  First, Clomid is not candy; Clomid can cause cysts, overstimulate your ovaries, and thin out your uterine lining to the point that even if the egg was fertilized, implantation could be jeopardized.  Second, without proper monitoring, even if you're "regular" in your cycles, you won't know exactly when it's time for ovulation.  Having an IUI too soon or too late after ovulation is kind of pointless because in either instance, there is no egg to fertilize.  You have either missed the egg and it's gone or it hasn't matured yet, so it will not be fertilized.

This is where I wonder if the way she's going about her treatment is a waste of time.  I'm not judging, I'm truly and honestly wondering if her efforts are worthwhile.  Sure, if the IUI were to work, then it's all good!  Even though she won't necessarily be educated on the "right" way to handle a medicated/IUI cycle, she'll have her beautiful baby.  If it doesn't work however, then is she just creating more heartbreak for herself?  I mean, I've been there.  I did like 3 unmonitored cycles with Clomid and honestly, those BFNs were even more heartbreaking to me because the hope that Clomid would do something was there.  It wasn't until I became educated on the risks/benefits of Clomid and really had a chance with proper treatment that I understood the need for monitoring to give myself the optimum chance to get pregnant.  By the way, my friend's first IUI didn't work, which makes wonder how effective her course of treatment really is.  I hope that sooner or later everything will just work out for her...

When you don't write for a while, there sure is a lot to vent about!

I'm very, very overwhelmed right now!  Baby C is treating me pretty well and it's awesome feeling he/she move but aside from that and my marriage, I'm just over everything.

I'm about 2 weeks away from my last day at Last School.  I finally pulled the trigger and turned in my resignation signed for December 23rd.  This is a huge step, but it's necessary...being a teacher is killing my soul slowly.  I know, I know that sounds totally dramatic, but I swear that teaching has been my biggest mistake and my biggest regret to date.  I'm totally the poster child for making bad career decisions.  As I get closer to my last day, I just get more and more antsy and annoyed whenever anything "extra" is required of me at work.  For example, my AP just came up with the bright idea that she should observe me this week.  Can anyone tell me what the fuck for?!  Hello lady, I'm done in 2 weeks!!!!!  The way I'm feeling this can go either way.  I can give it my all and leave her brokenhearted over my departure or I can blow it and show them that I don't really care.  I think the latter is a bad idea but it's tempting.  I'm trying to keep it together because I want to apply to grad school next year, and I figure if I leave on good terms I can at least get a letter of recommendation out of this nightmare.

As excited and relieved as I am to finally leave teaching behind, I'm also terrified.  Let's face it, a 2-income household is usually much better than a 1-income household.  There's more financial freedom and more room to get the extras that we all love to have.  I am very thankful that J is such an amazing, responsible, and hard-working husband but at the same time, I do worry that maybe he won't be able to handle all of this.  It's weird, deep down inside I know he'll move heaven and earth to provide for us but I guess not having that bi-weekly check does scare me somewhat.  Either way, I would have to quit since I got screwed out of FMLA after being laid off last year, but I'm quitting much more sooner than we planned. 

Either way I see it, I need to make a sacrifice.  I can either stay in teaching until Baby C is here, or I can quit now.  If I stay, I'm sacrificing my physical and mental health; if I leave, I'm somewhat sacrificing our finances.  What's more important?  How do you choose?!  I'm not sure if it's a justification or not but I'm choosing to think that I can't replace my physical and mental health, but there are always ways to make extra money.

Any opinions?