Feeling Overwhelmed

I should definitely be getting ready for class, but I need to clear my head before I go.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now.  It's not all bad, but even the "good" is stressing me a little bit.  I'm doing my injects and I have a follow-up appointment for monitoring tomorrow.  I'm excited, but I feel like I'm too excited and hopeful.  It terrifies me because if this doesn't work, I know the let down (and meltdown) will be epic. There are too many things that have happened that tell me, "It's a sign!!" and my poor little head and heart are taking them in.  For example, my birthday is Saturday...I'm turning 30.  Maybe just maybe, I'll be told to trigger this weekend and that would mean that I can conceive on my b-day.  How cool is that?  Second, J told me that if I don't find a job and he can keep his side job, I don't have to work any more...sign #2, since I want to be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom).  Third, this is just falling into place so perfectly, it's almost too perfect.  See?!  With all of these things, my heart and head have decided to buy into the hype.  Then, I feel bad for being negative and feel like I just sabotaged myself out of a BFP. 

The bad, like it's been since October is not having a job which means having less money.  While J has been awesome at even suggesting that I can stay home, truth is, I would like to find a job at least until I'm ready to go on maternity leave.  That would give us the time and the income to close all of our debt except for my car, house, and utilities.  That puts a lot of money back in our pocket and then I'd really feel comfortable being a SAHM. 

I really need things to fall into place and soon.  In a perfect world, I'd get KU this weekend, find a permanent teaching position by the end of May, enjoy my summer with J and get the house baby ready, kill our debt, and deliver a perfect, healthy baby by the end of January 2012.  That's not asking for too much, is it?!  We'll see how it all plays out...

:-)