Change of heart, or just frustration?

I don't know what's up with me, but I'm in a huge funk.  Well, no, that's a lie, I know what's up but I'm bothered that it has me down.  So, once again I got CH's on FF; however, my temp just doesn't seem to stay up and I'm scared that it'll be a repeat of last cycle and the one before that.  I don't know if it's some cruel FF joke, but the last few Clomid cycles I've gotten CH's, then all of a sudden, they're gone at around 7-8 DPO.  Poof!  It's frustrating because honestly, I'd rather not get them to begin with.  I'd rather not get my hopes all the way up, only to start my day with a fucked up attitude when my temp comes crashing down.  I'm slowly getting tired of TTC and all the heartache and frustration.

I went to my session with MA today, and I was sharing with him that I'm really considering just throwing in the towel on TTC.  J and I have our RE appointment on March 2nd, and even though I'm kind of excited about it, I'm getting more and more apprehensive as it comes closer.  I'm having a really hard time dealing with the fact that more than likely, J and I won't be able to conceive w/out medical intervention.  Yes, I mean, I'm on Clomid so I kind of knew that already, but seeing an RE to me opens the door to the world of IUI's, IVF, and just more invasive and over-involved TTC procedures.  I don't think I want this.  Yes, I do want a baby, but I'm not so sure about all this process anymore.  I know that there are women struggling way more than I am with their IF journey, so I don't pretend to act like I should be exempt from all this; however, I'm just starting to wonder if I want to continue to go through this cycle after cycle, month after month, and quite possibly, year after year.

I think what's scaring me the most is seeing all the women going through IUIs and IVF only to end up with a m/c, or pre-term labor, or a stillbirth.  What if I go through all this, and still end up empty-handed?  I'm terrified, and I know I'm being super negative, but I'm very much afraid of this.  I don't think I can handle it.  I talked to J about this today and just point-blank asked him if he had imagined our lives without children and what would he imagine it'd be like.  He simply said, "It would be peaceful.  Just the two of us, traveling, living our lives."  It broke my heart.  Not because he might not want children, but because the more disappointment we face every month and cycle, that's exactly how I've begun to feel.

I feel that I need to really do some soul-searching, and figure out exactly what it is that I want.  I'm tired of being consumed by this...