Some women need common sense

Sometimes I feel that I should become a life coach! My life is not perfect, by any means, but when I talk to some girlfriends, I am shocked at their lack of common sense. Maybe I excuse my own poor judgement at the fact that most of my offenses happened before I turned 25, but I just don't get it.

I was talking a "friend" yesterday. N has been dating a guy for two weeks, and more like talking, but the words "I love you," have already been said. I do think it's kind of fast, but she's in her early 40's and he's in his late 30's. She was very upset (crying) because this guy hadn't called her in a day, and she had called him over ten (!) with no answer. Now, before we all judge the fact that he hasn't called her back, he just went through a MAJOR life change, and lost a very well-paying job. Also, the day before the unending phone calls, he had told her that he needed some time to himself to process everything. My advice to her was that she should give him the time he needed, let him know that she was there for him if he wanted/needed to chat, and that she should see how his behavior was in the next week or so. I mean, if he's acting distant after a week, then maybe she should cut her losses and move on. Instead, she told him that all this showed her that he didn't care about her, that she never meant anything to him, and that it was over. If you ask me, that's such an over reaction to what he's going through. Not only that, if he's a serious and responsible man, he's not going to want to be nonchalant about his job situation and it will cause him stress and worry. He's also going to be cautious of giving himself into a relationship with a woman who has her shit together and is extremely financially successful!

Her situation reminds me of the many women I know, who are so desperate to be in a relationship, that they abandon all caution and take an all-or-nothing approach to dating. They throw themselves and their feelings into a man really quickly, and the second that their affection is unmet, they spew bitterness and anger at the guy. I'm all up for respect, clear intentions, and having a man put you first, but what if he just needs time? Shouldn't you respect your partner's need to grieve/unwind/etc.? Also, should you have not taken time to develop feelings so you don't feel so let down when it doesn't work? After all, it's only been two fucking weeks! By you stalking him, or constantly and aggressively showing a man how interested you are in him, you're actually pushing him further away. I did this when J and I started dating, and if I unfortunately found myself in the dating world, I refuse to go back to this bad habit.

We need to value ourselves as women, and know our place. There's no need to beg a man to be with you or reek of desperation by throwing yourself at him, instead, bow out gracefully and find someone that is actually worthy of your time and affection.